My Goals in 1999 and what I've accomplished thus far:
Loose weight - Not yet..
Find a job I enjoy - House Wife is the strongest canadet yet
Graduate from Texas A&M- not in this lifetime!
Merry an interesting man- Absolutely!
Write a childs book - maybe this year?
Learn piano - Uhh.. . NO
Sing in front of a large audience - Total flop
Learn how to draw - sorta
Take dance lessons -yes
Be a flight attendant -no
Travel around the Country-TOTALLY!
Big Stuff!
Well, I guess we are officially moving towards adulthood! David and I found out on Halloween that we are expecting our first child. It wasn't a complete surprise, however it felt like one! We've been excited about taking this step in our journey together sense we met, and now that it's finally here I feel a little shocked, unsure, nervous, excited, elated, overcome, overwhelmed, amazed and most of all blessed! I would classify myself as a planner, someone who kinda likes to have a general idea of what the near and distant future looks like for me, however there isn't a real clear picture when it comes to starting a family. At least in my mind there isn't. It's been a real big step in my boldly trusting God to take more control of my life (not that I didn't think he already had control, but I think sometimes I fooled myself into thinking we shared it or something crazy like that!) and be to really step into the passengers seat! I wish I could say that I was really comfortable with this and I easily took/take on this role in my life, but I don't! I seems to do a lot of squirming and struggling trying to find a comfortable position. It's almost embarssing to admit this, because I know it's the safest and most secure place I will ever be, however it's still a battle for me.
In starting this journey to motherhood, I really felt like I was being led to let go of my fear of failing, my worry over things out of my control and to make an effort to enjoy the ride a little more then I normally do (this is normally a result of my actions with items one and two on this list). So here is a little about how that's going!
There are a few things that I expected to come along with pregnancy and I am quickly learning I was dead wrong about most of them. First I thought I would be sick, and I mean REAL sick the first trimester. However, it's been quite the opposite. I've felt tired and been a little picky about what I want to eat but other then that I've felt AMAZING! Second, I was sure I would be the out of control pregnant woman who ate everything in sight, completely unable to use self-control in my decisions regarding food, especially sweets. Thankfully I was wrong about that too! I have been eating healthier then I've ever eaten in my life. I decided to cut out processed sugars (or desserts at least) and avoid all caffeine, for no other reason then I thought it would be healthy. I was expecting this to come a great sacrifice and it was a little tough the first couple weeks, but quickly it became more of an encouragement for other ways I could make healthy eating choices during my pregnancy and hopefully into the rest of my life! I have to be honest, that I was a little disappointed that I didn't lose 15 pounds after dropping desserts, alcohol, caffeine and most fried foods, but I am finding peace in the fact that I feel healthy and haven't gained a pound in 13 weeks, which is more then I can normally say in a regular 13 week period! Third, I think I was expecting the pregnancy to start the beginning of a distancing I felt was inevitable for Dave and I as we stepped into parenthood. This may sound terrible, but if I am being honest it was a REAL and HONEST fear that I believed was a reality. Much to my surprise (again I am never sure why I am surprised by God's love and blessing in these matters, because He ALWAYS gives them to me) the pregnancy, so far, has only brought a deeper level of connection and closeness in our love for each other. The endearing way that Dave looks at me as I adjust to the changed in my body and mind provides a sense of the unconditional love that I feel so deserving of, and continuously reminds me of God's vision for marriage and how it is to represent His unconditional love for us. It's a blessing that I couldn't imagine and one I will forever hold dear! The other thing that I was expecting was instant connection?, belief?, or maybe consciousness? with this little bean in my belly. Instead, I spent the first month reminding myself that I needed to be aware of this little bun in the oven; the second month wondering why I felt like I was constantly being inflated with a straw and the third month trying to figure out why I spend more time in the bathroom then I do asleep! I'm officially into the fourth month, which I had expected to feel amazing in only to find that my "morning, excuse me, ALL day sickness" was just out of town the first trimester and wanted to make sure I still got what I had paid for, even though it was late :) Oh well, I'm not complaining, it's just more of the unexpected that is helping me place my trust in Him and help me quit trying to plan out the future! So... on that note I am headed to the Dr in the morning to have our 13 week sonogram and hear our little love's heartbeat and see the amazing development of life that I am getting to be apart of! It's amazing every time we see this little bean of how amazing our God is and how he really does knit us together in our mothers womb. My mother in law asked me on Monday if I felt revealed now that I was officially out of the first three months and into the "safe zone," as I thought about it I had a realization of what God is teaching me in this and I answered with "You know, I haven't been nervous or not nervous this entire time and I think it's because I have this overwhelming feeling like God has chosen to give me this gift and it's up to him how long I get to cherish and care for this child, so I don't need to worry about it. He could choose any day to call this little one home to him, regardless of the trimester, so I just need to rest knowing that 'God's got it all in control' " I was so excited to have this feeling and as I was thinking about it a little later, you know all the lovely voices that started in my head "why haven't you worried about it? Are you a bad mom? Do you care about this child?" Blah... Blah.. Blah.... I was brought back to the first time someone asked me what being pregnant felt like? When I answered with "It's like growing joy inside of you" and suddenly I realized, that is scripture "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13 explained it all. Being the vessel God has chosen for Him to knit together a part of his Kingdom is the most joyous experience I've ever had!
In starting this journey to motherhood, I really felt like I was being led to let go of my fear of failing, my worry over things out of my control and to make an effort to enjoy the ride a little more then I normally do (this is normally a result of my actions with items one and two on this list). So here is a little about how that's going!
There are a few things that I expected to come along with pregnancy and I am quickly learning I was dead wrong about most of them. First I thought I would be sick, and I mean REAL sick the first trimester. However, it's been quite the opposite. I've felt tired and been a little picky about what I want to eat but other then that I've felt AMAZING! Second, I was sure I would be the out of control pregnant woman who ate everything in sight, completely unable to use self-control in my decisions regarding food, especially sweets. Thankfully I was wrong about that too! I have been eating healthier then I've ever eaten in my life. I decided to cut out processed sugars (or desserts at least) and avoid all caffeine, for no other reason then I thought it would be healthy. I was expecting this to come a great sacrifice and it was a little tough the first couple weeks, but quickly it became more of an encouragement for other ways I could make healthy eating choices during my pregnancy and hopefully into the rest of my life! I have to be honest, that I was a little disappointed that I didn't lose 15 pounds after dropping desserts, alcohol, caffeine and most fried foods, but I am finding peace in the fact that I feel healthy and haven't gained a pound in 13 weeks, which is more then I can normally say in a regular 13 week period! Third, I think I was expecting the pregnancy to start the beginning of a distancing I felt was inevitable for Dave and I as we stepped into parenthood. This may sound terrible, but if I am being honest it was a REAL and HONEST fear that I believed was a reality. Much to my surprise (again I am never sure why I am surprised by God's love and blessing in these matters, because He ALWAYS gives them to me) the pregnancy, so far, has only brought a deeper level of connection and closeness in our love for each other. The endearing way that Dave looks at me as I adjust to the changed in my body and mind provides a sense of the unconditional love that I feel so deserving of, and continuously reminds me of God's vision for marriage and how it is to represent His unconditional love for us. It's a blessing that I couldn't imagine and one I will forever hold dear! The other thing that I was expecting was instant connection?, belief?, or maybe consciousness? with this little bean in my belly. Instead, I spent the first month reminding myself that I needed to be aware of this little bun in the oven; the second month wondering why I felt like I was constantly being inflated with a straw and the third month trying to figure out why I spend more time in the bathroom then I do asleep! I'm officially into the fourth month, which I had expected to feel amazing in only to find that my "morning, excuse me, ALL day sickness" was just out of town the first trimester and wanted to make sure I still got what I had paid for, even though it was late :) Oh well, I'm not complaining, it's just more of the unexpected that is helping me place my trust in Him and help me quit trying to plan out the future! So... on that note I am headed to the Dr in the morning to have our 13 week sonogram and hear our little love's heartbeat and see the amazing development of life that I am getting to be apart of! It's amazing every time we see this little bean of how amazing our God is and how he really does knit us together in our mothers womb. My mother in law asked me on Monday if I felt revealed now that I was officially out of the first three months and into the "safe zone," as I thought about it I had a realization of what God is teaching me in this and I answered with "You know, I haven't been nervous or not nervous this entire time and I think it's because I have this overwhelming feeling like God has chosen to give me this gift and it's up to him how long I get to cherish and care for this child, so I don't need to worry about it. He could choose any day to call this little one home to him, regardless of the trimester, so I just need to rest knowing that 'God's got it all in control' " I was so excited to have this feeling and as I was thinking about it a little later, you know all the lovely voices that started in my head "why haven't you worried about it? Are you a bad mom? Do you care about this child?" Blah... Blah.. Blah.... I was brought back to the first time someone asked me what being pregnant felt like? When I answered with "It's like growing joy inside of you" and suddenly I realized, that is scripture "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13 explained it all. Being the vessel God has chosen for Him to knit together a part of his Kingdom is the most joyous experience I've ever had!
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